Long blog-reflective

Reflective Post: Peace Like A River; long blog

Lost

Lost. The Webster dictionary would define this four letter word as the act of being taken away or beyond reach or attainment. When most people hear this word or even think about it, they usually relate it to an object that can’t be found or maybe someone who couldn’t find their way somewhere. When I think of the word lost, I can’t help but go back to a particular story that hits so very close to home.

I clearly remember that I was the young age of fourteen, a freshman in high school when it all began. I met Ryan Anthony Angell. Little did I know that this introduction would soon form into an incredible friendship.

Our moms were best friends.  It was almost inevitable that we were to meet. Ryan participated in all different activities throughout high school, when he was actually there that is. School was a synch for him; it was almost like tying his shoes or taking a shower. He was an all-star baseball player at Venice High school throughout his high school career. He was the Babe Ruth of his small high school baseball team, well known all over campus. Anything he wanted to do he did and succeeded in. He had many friends and family that surrounded him but still… he was lost.

Like many young high school students, he fell into the all too familiar cliché party scene. It started with a few tipsy nights, and eventually got to the point where he wasn’t having a good time unless he was in a completely different state of mine, taking plastered to a whole different level. All too fast, he was labeled as one of those famous “partiers”. He searched for happiness in alcohol, ecstasy, cocaine, and so much more. You name it, he did it. Both legal and illegal drugs were being put into his body constantly, intoxicating his system, influencing his decisions, making him a whole different person. He now found what made him feel good, what brought him happiness but still…he was lost.

We saw each other on rare occasions when I was at his house or running into each other by chance in the hallways of our high school. I was a freshman, new kid on campus and he was a junior, almost the big dog on campus. I could count the number of times we hung out throughout high school on one hand. Knowing very well what kind of crew he surrounded himself with and the things he did outside of school, I wasn’t too interested in getting involved with him or his crowd. The few times we did hang out ended up in me sitting back watching him get high with a friend, or do ridiculous things that by his definition were considered fun but still…he was lost.

Soon his attendances at Venice High became hit and miss. His grades were rapidly spiraling downhill. Due to this an academic advisor and counselor had to step in just to make graduation a possibility for him. His mind set was simply that he did not care. Ryan was rarely ever at home and when he was he was surrounded by friends or asleep. On the few occasions that Ryan was home and awake, his attitude towards his parents was completely hateful. His parents gave him anything and everything that a young teenage boy could possibly ever want but still he was unappreciative. His rollercoaster mood swings tended to leave them with whiplash. Constant bickering and physical fights only made the divider between Ryan and his parents more evident. Not knowing what else to do, they turned to professional help. He was put on medication for depression and anxiety. He was diagnosed with early signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder. This is a disorder that is associated with mood swings that range from the lows of depression to the highs of mania without certain cause. Now medicated and seeking the consultation of a psychologist they thought there was hope, but still…he was lost.

The time came when Ryan was to attend college. Frightened to send him off, his parents reluctantly let go of their grip. He hit the road and headed to Tallahassee. Thinking getting out of the house and gaining a completely different kind of independence would fix a multitude of problems, he moved out. Unbeknownst to him, he was just about to get in way over his head still…he was lost.

College is a time to pick yourself up and get your life on track, maybe even get a career up and running. It’s a time to focus on studies before you are off in the world to make it on your own. These years are nothing but crucial. College provides a fresh start, something completely new and exciting. Ryan used these first few years of college for anything BUT his education. He took his high school partying days to the extreme; they didn’t do anything but intensify. Adding to the drugs and alcohol was now women. He had multiple partners, rarely committed to a single relationship with one woman.  Ryan spent every last penny of his scholarships and loans on alcohol and drugs, never fully being able to satisfy his craving, his desire for fulfillment. Now on academic probation from lack of attending classes and completing the work, there was nothing left to do. College was supposed to be a solution but still…he was lost.

After being forced out of school, with no money and no job…he turned even more towards toxic substances. He was oblivious to the pain that he caused his loved one, not even giving a second thought to sit back and realize how many friends he had lost due to the his new lifestyle. All he seemed to truly care about was how he was going to get his next “high”. Having to call poison control in desperate times of measure when one night got a little too crazy, he realized he had hit rock bottom. The feeling of emptiness and uselessness set in heavy and weighed over his head. He no longer saw a reason to continue on living, what was there left for him in this life? Suicidal thoughts becoming more and more frequent, he didn’t want to live life this way any longer. It was time to move back home and seek further help. Seeing a glimmer of hope for the future but still…he was lost.

I was home for college on weekend and the Angell’s and my family went out to dinner. It was the first time in at least a year or two that I had seen Ryan. Knowing all the he had been through and seeing how incredibly miserable he was, my heart broke. I couldn’t get him out of my mind, I knew he needed Jesus. For months upon heart wrenching months I continued to be his friend as hard as he tried to push me away. After staying by his side through the various suicide attempts, watching him give up on hope, he found God. God used me to provide him with a friend who was different, a friend who was loyal, a friend who he could see Jesus in. Only by our Heavenly father did he come to know Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. Currently now finds his happiness in God and he may have a few ups and downs like all of us but still…he is now FOUND.

I personally can relate this story to Peace Like a River. Davy Land in this story is Ryan Angell. The rest of Davy’s family is without a doubt all of Ryan’s loved ones, including me. Davy is the only member of the family who had a hard time finding God and recognizing His miracles. Ryan never wanted to hear a single thing about God and what His Word had to say. He just wasn’t interested. Davy was lost.  Davy’s family ached for Davy and his rebellion stage as I ached for Ryan. There were nights that I cried because I didn’t know what the next day would bring with him, his heart was so incredibly hardened. I had to give it completely to God and hand it all to him, holding on to nothing. I had to stay heavily in prayer, but I wasn’t the only one. Davy’s heart was also so very hardened for a long time. I can just imagine the pain the Davy’s family went through not knowing where he was, much like the pain I experienced with Ryan. The agony of losing a loved one, physically or spiritually are both devastating. When Davy was lost his family yearned for him to be found just as I wanted to see Ryan find his identity in Christ alone. Although Ryan was not physically lost like Davy, he was spiritually lost. He was yearning for something to make him whole.

A sense of relief to know that the searching was over, Ryan was finally found. His family as well as I was incredibly overjoyed to know that he had finally turned to God, another soul directed on the path to Heaven. When Davy and his family were finally reunited, a sense of peace set in. It was over, he was FOUND.