Long blog-reflective

Reflective Post: Peace Like A River; long blog

Lost

Lost. The Webster dictionary would define this four letter word as the act of being taken away or beyond reach or attainment. When most people hear this word or even think about it, they usually relate it to an object that can’t be found or maybe someone who couldn’t find their way somewhere. When I think of the word lost, I can’t help but go back to a particular story that hits so very close to home.

I clearly remember that I was the young age of fourteen, a freshman in high school when it all began. I met Ryan Anthony Angell. Little did I know that this introduction would soon form into an incredible friendship.

Our moms were best friends.  It was almost inevitable that we were to meet. Ryan participated in all different activities throughout high school, when he was actually there that is. School was a synch for him; it was almost like tying his shoes or taking a shower. He was an all-star baseball player at Venice High school throughout his high school career. He was the Babe Ruth of his small high school baseball team, well known all over campus. Anything he wanted to do he did and succeeded in. He had many friends and family that surrounded him but still… he was lost.

Like many young high school students, he fell into the all too familiar cliché party scene. It started with a few tipsy nights, and eventually got to the point where he wasn’t having a good time unless he was in a completely different state of mine, taking plastered to a whole different level. All too fast, he was labeled as one of those famous “partiers”. He searched for happiness in alcohol, ecstasy, cocaine, and so much more. You name it, he did it. Both legal and illegal drugs were being put into his body constantly, intoxicating his system, influencing his decisions, making him a whole different person. He now found what made him feel good, what brought him happiness but still…he was lost.

We saw each other on rare occasions when I was at his house or running into each other by chance in the hallways of our high school. I was a freshman, new kid on campus and he was a junior, almost the big dog on campus. I could count the number of times we hung out throughout high school on one hand. Knowing very well what kind of crew he surrounded himself with and the things he did outside of school, I wasn’t too interested in getting involved with him or his crowd. The few times we did hang out ended up in me sitting back watching him get high with a friend, or do ridiculous things that by his definition were considered fun but still…he was lost.

Soon his attendances at Venice High became hit and miss. His grades were rapidly spiraling downhill. Due to this an academic advisor and counselor had to step in just to make graduation a possibility for him. His mind set was simply that he did not care. Ryan was rarely ever at home and when he was he was surrounded by friends or asleep. On the few occasions that Ryan was home and awake, his attitude towards his parents was completely hateful. His parents gave him anything and everything that a young teenage boy could possibly ever want but still he was unappreciative. His rollercoaster mood swings tended to leave them with whiplash. Constant bickering and physical fights only made the divider between Ryan and his parents more evident. Not knowing what else to do, they turned to professional help. He was put on medication for depression and anxiety. He was diagnosed with early signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder. This is a disorder that is associated with mood swings that range from the lows of depression to the highs of mania without certain cause. Now medicated and seeking the consultation of a psychologist they thought there was hope, but still…he was lost.

The time came when Ryan was to attend college. Frightened to send him off, his parents reluctantly let go of their grip. He hit the road and headed to Tallahassee. Thinking getting out of the house and gaining a completely different kind of independence would fix a multitude of problems, he moved out. Unbeknownst to him, he was just about to get in way over his head still…he was lost.

College is a time to pick yourself up and get your life on track, maybe even get a career up and running. It’s a time to focus on studies before you are off in the world to make it on your own. These years are nothing but crucial. College provides a fresh start, something completely new and exciting. Ryan used these first few years of college for anything BUT his education. He took his high school partying days to the extreme; they didn’t do anything but intensify. Adding to the drugs and alcohol was now women. He had multiple partners, rarely committed to a single relationship with one woman.  Ryan spent every last penny of his scholarships and loans on alcohol and drugs, never fully being able to satisfy his craving, his desire for fulfillment. Now on academic probation from lack of attending classes and completing the work, there was nothing left to do. College was supposed to be a solution but still…he was lost.

After being forced out of school, with no money and no job…he turned even more towards toxic substances. He was oblivious to the pain that he caused his loved one, not even giving a second thought to sit back and realize how many friends he had lost due to the his new lifestyle. All he seemed to truly care about was how he was going to get his next “high”. Having to call poison control in desperate times of measure when one night got a little too crazy, he realized he had hit rock bottom. The feeling of emptiness and uselessness set in heavy and weighed over his head. He no longer saw a reason to continue on living, what was there left for him in this life? Suicidal thoughts becoming more and more frequent, he didn’t want to live life this way any longer. It was time to move back home and seek further help. Seeing a glimmer of hope for the future but still…he was lost.

I was home for college on weekend and the Angell’s and my family went out to dinner. It was the first time in at least a year or two that I had seen Ryan. Knowing all the he had been through and seeing how incredibly miserable he was, my heart broke. I couldn’t get him out of my mind, I knew he needed Jesus. For months upon heart wrenching months I continued to be his friend as hard as he tried to push me away. After staying by his side through the various suicide attempts, watching him give up on hope, he found God. God used me to provide him with a friend who was different, a friend who was loyal, a friend who he could see Jesus in. Only by our Heavenly father did he come to know Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. Currently now finds his happiness in God and he may have a few ups and downs like all of us but still…he is now FOUND.

I personally can relate this story to Peace Like a River. Davy Land in this story is Ryan Angell. The rest of Davy’s family is without a doubt all of Ryan’s loved ones, including me. Davy is the only member of the family who had a hard time finding God and recognizing His miracles. Ryan never wanted to hear a single thing about God and what His Word had to say. He just wasn’t interested. Davy was lost.  Davy’s family ached for Davy and his rebellion stage as I ached for Ryan. There were nights that I cried because I didn’t know what the next day would bring with him, his heart was so incredibly hardened. I had to give it completely to God and hand it all to him, holding on to nothing. I had to stay heavily in prayer, but I wasn’t the only one. Davy’s heart was also so very hardened for a long time. I can just imagine the pain the Davy’s family went through not knowing where he was, much like the pain I experienced with Ryan. The agony of losing a loved one, physically or spiritually are both devastating. When Davy was lost his family yearned for him to be found just as I wanted to see Ryan find his identity in Christ alone. Although Ryan was not physically lost like Davy, he was spiritually lost. He was yearning for something to make him whole.

A sense of relief to know that the searching was over, Ryan was finally found. His family as well as I was incredibly overjoyed to know that he had finally turned to God, another soul directed on the path to Heaven. When Davy and his family were finally reunited, a sense of peace set in. It was over, he was FOUND.

Annotation: Miracle

Blog #8: Annotation

Miracle

October 27, 2011

Miracles, they are seen every day. A miracle is the way our brain tells our arm to move, the way our organs know every right action to take, the way the trees give us oxygen to breath and survive, the way every single person on this earth is uniquely made in their own different way. Webster would have a different take on the definition. Webster chooses to define a miracle as an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment. Miracles don’t have to be some huge extraordinary event in life that knocks everyone off their feet and leaves them flabbergasted. It can be the very simple things from day to day that God does. A miracle can be something that is seen frequently but still amazes the human eye.  Each person has their own personal miracle to share.

It was my kindergarten year at Venice Christian School. I was fairly new to the school and hadn’t made too many friends just yet. It was time to hit the playground, my personal favorite hour of the school day. As we played on the jungle gym, swung on the swings, chased each other in games of tag, I suddenly became interested in the sandbox nearby. I scurried over to dig around in the soft white sand to find a hidden treasure that I knew had to be buried in there. To my dismay I didn’t reveal too many exciting things besides the occasionally twig and dead insect. I quickly became bored with this personal scavenger hunt. As I climb out of the sandbox, I can’t help but notice was a great balance beam the wooden edges of the sandbox had become. I dare the tight rope as the crowd cheers and scream my name. One hundred feet in the air, suspended by nothing but a tiny rope, or wooden sand box. I thought I was invincible, until a loose board caused me to fall to the edge of the sand box rim, crashing back to reality. I smashed my head directly on the corner of the sandbox where the two boards met with a nail. Looking around to make sure none of my new friends had noticed such a stunt, I brush myself off, ignoring the object that just fell from my forehead, and continue my circus act. Out of the blue I one of the playground watch guards run to my side urging me to lie in the grass. Little did I know, the “object” that had fallen from my head was a massive drop of blood. I had split my head open on the corner of that sandbox without even realizing it. Terrified out of my mind, the kids swarming around me to see what had happened, the principal swiftly comes and scoops me up out of the crowd. Blood now covering his nice white button up shirt, he takes me to where my mom is waiting to take me to the hospital. I weep because I have not a clue what is going on. As we arrive at the hospital, I recall all the doctors rushing to my side to start stitching me up. A few stitches and butterfly band aids later I was ready to dare the tight rope once again. They said that I was incredibly blessed to have only gotten a minimal scar, seeing how they could feel my skull when the cut was fresh and open still. God was really watching over me. If it had only been a centimeter or less over to the left or the right I could have lost my sight or my eye for that matter. I thank God that that was NOT the case. I was very fortunate. That is one of my many God given miracles in my life. I’m so blessed to have never had any near death experiences or horrible tragedies. I thank God for that to no end and trust that He will continue to guide and protect me. Just like Reuben Land, God placed His hand of protection of me and saved me from many other horrible and far worse things to happen to me. God spared Reuben his life. He saved his life. He brought him back to life and let him continue to live his young life. That in itself is a miracle. God is the ONLY one capable of performing miracles.

-God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

-Psalm 139

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/miracle

Annotative Post: Grocery Cart

Annotative Post: The Road

October 19, 2011

Throughout the whole entirety of this book so far The Road mentions the grocery cart that the father and his son use ever so often. This grocery cart isn’t just any old grocery cart. This cart has multiple purposes throughout this novel. When looking for the official definition of the word cart, this is what was stated “a strong open vehicle with two or four wheels, typically used for carrying loads.” Normally, in this day in age we would consider a grocery cart the typical device that we use in a produce store to hold the things we would like to purchase so that we aren’t overwhelmed with carrying all the various items. It is a common item that we use only when we walk into a grocery store. We would never think we would need to own one or use one for any other reason but to go shopping and return it when we have concluded buying everything that we need. In the book the father and the son use the grocery cart for many different uses that we would never even think of to do. The first mention of the infamous grocery cart starts right in the beginning on page 5. They used this grocery cart as a vehicle. They packed their various items and belongings in this cart and roll it around. It is there possession, they can’t lose it, they are attached. Although they keep their essentials, the things they can’t stand to part with in the knapsacks. No matter where they leave the cart they go back to retrieve it. They are quite territorial of this grocery cart, it is literally as if it were their Ford F150 truck. Not only does this cart serve as a vehicle, a storage unit, and a way of transportation, but this grocery cart serves as a source of recreation. The son uses this to entertain himself by riding it down the road. He finds joy in this time of despair. The cart brings a sense of happiness and security all in one. They rely on this cart to carry their belongings so that they don’t have to haul everything during their travels. They trust that this contraption will help them on their journey and so far it has. It has been a huge necessity to the father and his son both.

http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/cart?region=us

Blog #6: Creative Post- The Road

Blog #6: Creative Post- The Road

The Never-Ending Trail

October 12, 2011

There has been a disaster, you see

Leaving everyone no choice but to flee

Not an ounce of humanity remains

The energy they have left, drains

There is a very windy path

That consists of everything but a laugh

Just a father and a son

The trail, they’ve only just begun

Why is there so much grief?

The child wants just one good belief

Is that too much to ask?

Can his father complete just one good task?

The child can’t bear to pass the others by

It’s obvious they need help, as they sit there to die

He has seen so much violence all around

He yearns to hear just one pleasant sound

His father seems to be so heartless, why doesn’t he care?

No matter what, his son will always cherish the bond they share

His dad feels his duty is to protect his son

He will stop at nothing until this is done

Papa can’t trust a soul out here on the road

He can’t believe a single thing he’s told

He will take care of his pride and joy at all cost

His son is the last thing he would want lost

As his health begins to fade

The difficulty starts to escalade

“Who will take care of my son?” he cries

His cough seems to be serious, does this mean he dies?

Just those two, that silly old shopping cart

And the knapsacks that hold the things closest to their heart

They have no other possession

Staying alive has become their only obsession

When will the madness end?

When will they find a trustworthy friend?

Their world is dark and grey,

Is this the way it will always stay?

What will happen to the little boy?

Will the road he’s on lead him to joy?

Will he awake and find this is a dream?

Will he and his Papa always be a team?

They will come across many more strangers

Their journey will confront them with many dangers

What will this road lead them to?

What is the next thing they will be forced to do…

Blog #5: Unbreakable- Creative post

Blog #5: Unbreakable- Creative post

·         The Pomegranate

September 28, 2011

A mother daughter bond is strong

If you were to say it was breakable, you would be wrong

They love each other through thick and thin

A mother’s instinct will always win

She will do anything to keep her close to home

A mother fears the day that her daughter will roam

If a little blackmail will do the trick

This is the tactic a mother will pick

It’s hard for a mother to release her hold

She doesn’t want her daughter to grow old

Maturity means she begins to be on her own

And communication becomes limited to the phone

Fast approaching is the day

That her daughter will no longer want to stay

The pomegranate she will soon eat

A mother then can only feel defeat

Loss of innocence, knowledge, and falling in love with a man

Are things she can only avoid if she devised a master plan

Her mother sits back as her heart starts to break

Her daughter’s independence makes her body ache

Her mother can only sit back and glance

At her daughter who begins to take her stance

The pomegranate she devours

Her life changing within the hours

Not a seed left of that special fruit

She says goodbye to the place she once took root

Her mother begging her not to go

Then she steps out of her childhood real slow

Yet another mother fails at stopping the passing time

She would do anything to stop the continually climb

A mother yearns for the moment when her daughter was small

As she looks at her now, standing so tall

All alone, her mother cannot possibly be secure

In the fact that her daughter is no longer whole and pure

Her fear might not always be said aloud

But to her daughter, she will always remain proud

Her daughter, now wrapped up in a world of her own

A mother struggles to never let her distress be shown

Despite all the mistakes her offspring might make

A mother’s love for her daughter will not shake

The time comes for her daughter to leave

Of course, what is a mother to do but grieve?

The mother has to make one very difficult choice

Protest or quiet her voice?

Week Four: Mama’s speech-Problematize post

                                                           September 21, 2011

Mama: Oh—So now it’s life. Money is life. Once upon a time freedom used to be life—now it’s money. I guess the world really do change . . .

Ø  Walter: No—it was always money, Mama. We just didn’t know about it.

Ø  Mama: No . . . something has changed. You something new, boy. In my time we was worried about not being lynched . . . You ain’t satisfied or proud of nothing we done. I mean that you had a home; that we kept you out of trouble till you was grown; that you don’t have to ride to work on the back of nobody’s streetcar—You my children—but how different we done become.

These few quotes here from Mama and her son Walter are small, but very heavy. This conversation between the two of them shows the economic status and struggle that their family is going through at this time. It displays the different views that Walter has and that Mama has. It shows that Walter obviously thinks that happiness for him and his family depends on your financial status, how much money you have. This is how Walter measures his success and the success of the people around him. He believes that money is the key to a carefree, laidback, comfortable life. At this moment, Walter believes that his depressive, unhappy state is due to his lack of wealth.

Mama on the other hand believes true happiness is due to the love and care for the people around you. Her family and their joy mean the world to Mama. She realizes just how much times have drastically changed from her generation to her son’s generation. His attitude towards money proves the very change that has taken place. She goes on to say “Once upon a time freedom used to be life—now it’s money. I guess the world really do change.” The skewed outlook that Walter has on money, sincerely discourages Mama. It saddens her heart that her son bases his measurement of a successful life on how much money he might obtain from time to time. This puts stress on not only their relationship but the families relationship as a whole.

I think our society is very much alike to Walter and his views on wealth, unfortunately. This is very disappointing to me. It shows where America’s true priorities stand. People who have little money are almost looked down upon this day and age. There more money that you obtain, the more you are respected. Money has corrupted the minds of many people around the world. Some would even go as far as to say it is the root of all evil in today’s world. We, as Christians even get caught up in the notion that money can fulfill you. That is a very scary place to be. Money won’t always be around, but God will be here today, tomorrow, and for eternity. Money is a material thing that can only last for long. The “high” money gives you can only last momentarily. God is constant, forever loyal. We should stand firm on the promise that God is our source of all happiness, all joy, all success, and so much more. As God’s people, we should be absolutely ashamed of our actions. The Bible even explains to us that looking to money for security is a despicable sin. Hebrews 13: 5 says: Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Trusting in a monetary thing will only get us so far for so long. We owe our all to Him.

Segregation

Week Three: Brown v. Board of Education-Reflective Posts                                         September 14, 2011

Our intriguing discussion in class about racism and segregation really sparked my interest. In all my years of hearing about the different racial situations that have gone on throughout the years, I had never once heard about the Brown v. Board of Education lawsuit. When this was mentioned, and I was clueless, I decided to research this very topic. This well-known conflict began in the summer of 1950 with a little girl named Linda Brown. Her father, Oliver Brown, and thirteen other surrounding African American parents decided that they were going to try and enroll their kids in the local “white school”. The all white school was so much closer to their neighborhood than the “black school” that they were told that their kids were allowed to attend. In fact, that was the one of the four schools that their kids were allowed to attend in Topeka, Kansas. These were the only available schools for their children simply because it was full of all African American kids, not a single white child. One article said that “For every $150.00 spent on white children at the "white schools" only $50.00 was spent on African American children at the "black schools." None of the “black schools” had current supplies that were needed to keep the kids up to date but the “white schools” were provided with every essential for the children. After Oliver was turned down by the school he took his case to the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People) just so his daughter could get into school. Finally, after many trials and tribulation, in 1954 the case was won. Linda and all the other African American students that surrounded her could now attend a school nearby despite the outer skin color of each individual. This case is so incredibly relevant to A Raisin in the Sun because in this play the white neighborhood is completely and totally against having the “black” family move into their neighborhood. They are outraged at the fact that these “outsiders” would even think of intruding into their territory. Although times have definitely improved immensely, it brings grave disappointment to me that still this day there is division in the races. It is discouraging that one would feel differently towards another due to the color of their skin or their ethnic background. There is no difference in a successful, married white man, and a successful, married black man. Our Heavenly Father has never seen a difference and never will, so what makes us think that we have the right to?